Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
