Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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