Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
