I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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