remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
