You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
