Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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