She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
