put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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