it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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