I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
