So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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