Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
