it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
