Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
