Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
