I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
