What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Michael Bay diarrhea
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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