She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My dick has a subreddit
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
