I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just found puke in my bra..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Randomize
