halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
