I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
