the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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