i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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