Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
