yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
