His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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