she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sober January is a disaster.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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