At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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