If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
