the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
