Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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