I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
