glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
