I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Two words: blizzard sex
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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