A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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