If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
