I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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