Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
