You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
