24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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