I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
