i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
