dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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