I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
