well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
