I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
