pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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