It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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