she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
