You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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