You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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