Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yo dont text me then not text me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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