Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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