I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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