She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
