i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
