If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
zippers are such a cool invention
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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