Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
