By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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