3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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