The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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