i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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