i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
