so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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