dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
