I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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