You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
