I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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