there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
ok first of all what the fuck
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
