We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
