This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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