I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
