He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
