just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
