I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am midnight drunk by noon
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
