my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
