I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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