he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
