Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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