she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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